Purple People Vote

I’m a little tired of politicians not just courting the ‘women’s vote,’ but decreeing what issues are ‘women’s issues.’ Therefore in the interest of fairness we should really clarify not just the ‘women’s issues’ but also what are ‘men’s issues’.

The most commonly claimed women’s issue - reproductive health. Fine, we are the ones to get pregnant, so that one goes in our column.

Following that logic, I declare ‘beer and guns’ a men’s issue. Now I like beer, but the numbers are what they are, beer and guns go to the men.

Consequently, the environment goes to the ladies. You ever tried to get a dude with a rifle to drive a Prius? Good luck - we’re taking the environment.

So since the guys have the guns, the military goes to the men – that’s only fair.

However, that also means foreign relations goes to the women. Don’t want the cowboy with the beer and the weaponry trying to talk to the ambassadors of Israel and Saudia Arabia about ‘Peace in the Middle East.’

The economy is more challenging. Concerns about gas prices will have to go to the men since they’re driving the hummers, and the women are driving the hybrids. Jobs are tricky, the women are at home barefoot and pregnant, so they may not need the job. However, are you going to hire the guy who pulls up to work in his Hummer with a 40 in one hand and a rocket launcher in the other? I’m thinking the women are more employable, so that means men are more concerned about the lack of jobs, and the women are more concerned about favorable economic conditions for businesses. Hence cost of gasoline and unemployment concerns go to the men. Deregulation and lower taxes go to the women.

That’s fair, right? Just following the numbers and the facts to their logical conclusion.

Hopefully everyone realizes this is tongue and cheek. However, the analysis that men are all about ‘beer and guns’ is only slightly more offensive than politicians that think women are all about reproductive health. So I’m a pro-environment, small government, socially moderate (maybe even a little left-leaning depending on your POV), fiscally conservative, independent woman who is quite interested in a range of issues that may or may not be deemed ‘women’s issues.’ So good luck candidates, I’m not the only girl out there not interested in your opinion on how I should think or vote.